The Xmas Gift of Disappointment

Just like when you're a kid and that annoying cousin comes over at Christmas, and you're desperately trying to avoid eye contact while pretending to be fascinated by a half-broken ornament let's talk about something we all know intimately but rarely discuss. Disappointment which is really the emotional equivalent of that awkward family interaction we'd rather not acknowledge.

Imagine disappointment not as a wound, but as a window – a glimpse into the raw, unfiltered landscape of human experience. In a world obsessed with curating perfect narratives, with social media highlight reels and relentless positivity, we've become terrified of acknowledging life's inherent messiness.

Enter sociologist and psychotherapist Ian Craib. A thinker who dared to challenge our cultural aversion to disappointment. The guy literally wrote the book on disappointment with his groundbreaking work, The Importance of Disappointment. He unveiled a radical proposition: what if disappointment isn't a bug in the human experience, but a feature? Much like that cousin who always shows up, disappointment has something to teach us even if it’s only a new hiding place behind the Christmas tree.

Our contemporary culture is what Craib called a "disappointment-avoidant" system. We're trained to believe that every moment should be optimised, every relationship should be seamless, every personal and professional endeavour should result in unbridled success. But this pursuit of perpetual satisfaction is not just unrealistic – it's psychologically damaging.

Consider the paradox: by constantly trying to avoid disappointment, we're actually diminishing our capacity for authentic living. When we refuse to acknowledge the gaps between our expectations and reality, we rob ourselves of genuine growth. Disappointment isn't a sign of failure; it's a signpost pointing towards deeper self-understanding.

Think about your relationships. The friends who sometimes fall short of your expectations aren't failures – they're complex human beings navigating their own intricate journeys. The moments of disappointment reveal something profound: you care enough to have hopes, that you're capable of seeing potential beyond the immediate reality.

​Hegel understood this fundamental truth centuries ago. He recognised that contradiction and failure aren't obstacles to be eliminated, but essential components of human progression. Every disappointment contains within it the seeds of transformation. When we accept that life will never be a perfectly orchestrated symphony, we free ourselves from the tyranny of unrealistic expectations.

This doesn't mean we should become cynical or stop hoping. Rather, it's an invitation to develop a more nuanced relationship with our experiences. Disappointment becomes a teacher, showing us the difference between our idealised visions and the beautiful, complicated reality of existence.

As 2024 comes to a close – a year that has likely left many feeling bruised, overwhelmed, and yes, disappointed – consider this a gentle reminder. Your disappointments are not evidence of personal inadequacy. They are testament to your capacity for depth, for caring, for imagining something more.

Embrace the mess. Welcome the disappointment. It's in these moments of perceived failure that we often find our most authentic selves even if it means looking that cousin in the eye and saying “I'm glad we're finally having this awkward conversation.”